Marti Stanley’s Web Log

I’ve noticed a lot of people have recently made their blogs private. People have to log-in in order to read the posts and in order to make comments. I would be lying if I said that didn’t sound appealing. There have been times when I have wanted to post things about my life on here and haven’t simply because I know some of the people who read this and (no offense) I don’t want everyone that reads this knowing everything about me. Knowing everything causes extra stress and pressure at times. Yet one of my reasons for blogging was to be honest about real life situations in hopes that it would benefit someone else along the way. So, here’s an honest update into my life. “You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have, the facts of life, the facts of life.”

Bad news: I am losing my green creative juices. I’m having writers block, only with going green. I can’t sit in our house and think up any more ways of going green without it costing a lot. If you have any suggestions, pass ‘em along!!! They are all welcome!!!

Good news: In August we began contacting Christy, the midwife we like, over email and by phone. She said I was a perfect candidate for VBAC with a midwife!!! This is something that very much excites both my husband and me. This will get us excited about trying again and keep me from looking into adoption just yet. (We would love to adopt, but don’t have the financial resources right now. But adoption is something we would like to do in the future.)

Good news: At the end of August we officially paid off all the miscarriage bills!!! Yes, ER room, three different sets of lab work, and the doctor’s bill. (Yes, they each bill you separately. And no, that doesn’t include any of the office visits that were done here in TX, although those are all paid off as well.) BUT this means we are now officially trying again, which is REALLY good news. Especially since we initially wanted to start trying 13 months ago. (It’s a long story, but if you want to know, this is the CliffsNotes version: We wanted to start trying last August. Realized the state of TX has a law that no health insurance company can offer maternity benefits unless it’s in a group policy. Hubby’s work said to wait until October and a group policy would be discussed. In October they said yes, it’ll take effect in November. In November they said it would start in December. In December they changed their mind and said they wouldn’t offer health benefits. In January they reconsidered and said it would start in February. February got here and we ACTUALLY had health insurance. We started trying and got pregnant that first month. Then had a miscarriage the next month while we were out of state, which means out-of-network for our insurance company. Which means we pay the full amount out-of-pocket no discount or anything even though it was an emergency and our written book says it’s covered.) *And for fun, if anyone is interested, the estimated cost of going to the emergency room for a miscarriage given to us the night of our miscarriage by our insurance company was less than a fourth the actual cost. AND we were also told that emergencies were considered in-network even if you are out-of-network. (Don’t trust insurance companies, even if it’s written in your benefit package booklet, they lie.)

Bad news: This past month we did begin to have unprotected sex [that's good news! ]. I know we didn’t have sex around ovulation because Travis was sick during that time (when he got sick I figured it was probably during my most fertile days, so I looked it up, and it was, our luck!), so I wasn’t expecting to get pregnant this month. But my period was very different this month. This might be TMI for any male readers. I have very regular periods and they are very normal. So a change wasn’t what I needed especially this first time back into the swing of things. I spotted for the first time in my life. And the spotting occurred four days before I was suppose to start my period. Keep in mind I have had several periods since the miscarriage and each time all I’ve thought is “Oh, gotta get my diva cup.” But this time, the first thought in my head was “I miscarried again.” I was emotionally crazy.  Right after the initial spotting I began looking online for help, for some form of an answer. Spotting was not normal for me. That’s when I discovered an early pregnancy sign called “implantation bleeding”. Apparently about 30% of women experience spotting when the fertilized egg buries itself in the uterine wall. The spotting will occur a week to three days before your period is scheduled to begin. I did not experience this with Taylor or the second pregnancy. I had never even heard of it. Yet it really sounded like a possible answer to what was happening, a frightening answer, but an answer. (Women don’t like the sight of blood during pregnancy at all.) I continued spotting for another full day before starting my period. I had just experienced your basic spotting. I’m 28 years old, so I guess it’s about time I experienced it. I just wish it had chosen to come at a different time. The timing here was chaotic to say the least. My mind was all over the radar screen. But at least I had a couple friends I could turn to during my moment of emotional confusion and being scared of another possible miscarriage. Thanks Jen and Sara, you both helped me out more than you probably realized.

Bad news: Now I’m emotionally stressed out about possibly miscarrying again. And as the due date for pregnancy number two gets closer I know it will be harder. And trying again is not going to be easy. Even though our method of trying is not keeping up with ovulation, just enjoying each other whenever we want to (the least stressful way of trying), I still think it’s going to be hard. And to top it off, people keep asking me if I’m getting ready for “baby” since November is almost here. Now I know I am not as skinny as I was before I had Taylor, but I do NOT look seven plus months pregnant. You’d think if they missed the miscarriage memo they’d ask someone else if I was still pregnant before directly asking me something like that. Honestly I can’t take the look on one more persons face as I tell them I miscarried. One thing that will be nice about getting pregnant again will be that some of the older people we know will stop asking about my “illness” as they like to refer to it. I know they mean well, but right now, it’s not helping.– If we were to go back in time and do things all over again, I would still tell people we were pregnant when we found out we were. The joy and excitement of sharing the good news is exhilarating. And the support I received after the miscarriage from SO MANY people was incredible. We all need support in those hard times and the only way to get it is to be honest with everyone and allow yourself to receive their stories and their love.

Good News: Next Tuesday we will meet Christy for the first time in person and she will give us a tour of the birthing center and we will meet the other midwifes. (They always come in pairs to the actual delivery, so it’s nice to meet them up front and get to know them instead of just reading their bios.) Right now we’re still thinking about a home birth, but want to check into all our options upfront to decide what’s best for us. They say that checking out all your options before you get pregnant helps you to make a better decision, you have time to think about things, research, you don’t feel rushed, etc., so we’re really doing our research and asking lots of questions along the way.

Well, that’s enough for now. The main parts of my life have been shared. Sorry it’s mostly about getting pregnant; I know you child-free readers don’t care for these posts, bear with me. It’s what is closest to my heart right now, besides a thirty pounder and an hundred and ninety pounder!;)

Have a blessed week everyone!