I just watched for the second time this week “The Business of Being Born.” It is an amazing and well done documentary I think everyone should see. Especially since this past week the American Medical Association announced they would like to state (it has to be voted on first) that the safest place for a baby to be born is in a hospital or birthing center. I am glad they included birthing centers since licensed midwifes deliver babies in birthing centers, but these same midwifes can also deliver in your home. Anyway, the AMA is not the point of this post, the film is.
I approached each viewing differently, but had the same outcome each time. The first time I viewed the film, I viewed it as a mother. Not just any mother, but a mother who had a worry free pregnancy that ended with a cesarean section. If you are a mother who has experienced this before, you know where I am coming from. Every thing’s going well, the baby is a little late and your doctor is pressing you to induce. You trust your doctor, because he’s the one with medical experience, so of course, you agree. During the induction process, you are given countless drugs. Sometimes they tell you what they’re giving you, but you don’t have a choice. They are caring for you the best they know how to. And then all of a sudden something happens, they baby is in distress and you are rushed to the operating room and undergoing major surgery. Then someone shows you your baby swaddled up with a hat on for literally two seconds and you are left there on the table to be stitched up all by yourself. All alone and not knowing anything about your baby. To be honest, I didn’t even know what to say when my husband said, “See her?” as he was heading out the operating room going to the nursery. All I managed to get out was “OK.”
I replay that moment in my head a lot. “OK” that’s all I could say. Everything happened so fast. What was I suppose to say? I wasn’t expecting a cesarean. My baby was in the right place and my body was doing what it was suppose to do. Why do I feel like I’m a bad mother for only saying “OK”? Why couldn’t I have said, “She’s beautiful!” and leaped with joy instead of crying on a table all alone? Then, to make this matter worse, while I’m in recovery my husband brings me our child, my baby. I remember being able to hold her for that first time. It was not what I had expected it to be. She was all swaddled up with that same little hat on as before. She was calm and quiet. I remember looking at her and thinking, is this really my baby? She doesn’t look like me. She doesn’t look like my husband. This is a cute kid, but I think they switched my baby with someone else. After a moment of holding her and introducing myself I began examining this little person whom I had dreamed about and felt move inside me over the past months. It wasn’t until I unswaddled her and saw those cute little thighs that I knew she was mine. She had her daddy’s thighs. They were just like his and I knew this was in fact my child. I even thought of the chances of my husband having another child born at the same time in the same hospital to figure out that this was indeed my baby. These were not the first thoughts I was anticipating having of my child. I pictured holding her and seeing her all gooey. I wanted to see her as she came out. I wanted to be able to hold her when she came out and to feel the pains of childbirth. I wanted to have that connection and bond to my child instead of being immediately separated from her.
I have spoken with other mothers who have had cesareans and they too felt this distant separation from their babies. So, within the first thirty minutes of my child’s life, I didn’t feel like I was the most supportive or loving mom. I didn’t get to hold my baby during any of that time, when they showed her to me for two seconds before taking her to the nursery all I got out was “OK”, and when I was able to eventually hold her I didn’t even know if she was mine. I say all of this to give you some idea of where I was coming from as a mother while I watched this the first time.
I watched this documentary about mothers giving birth to their babies in their homes. Mothers who were able to reach down and pick up their babies. Mothers and fathers who had active rolls in the delivery of their babies. Mothers who allowed their bodies to do what they were intended to do. It brought tears to my eyes each time I saw a mother achieve that task. That was what I wanted. That is what I missed. I now feel so cheated by the experience I had. I also feel like an idiot for not doing more research before having a child. I did all the research I thought was right before we got pregnant with her. I thought I had it all planned out so well. I had interviewed mothers about which obstetrician to have deliver my baby. I had learned from these mothers and nurses what to expect and which medications did what and why they were given. Yet I didn’t even research midwifes and home births. Now I realize, I dropped the ball.
*Disclaimer: I don’t know why I feel that I have to add this, but I will, just to clear things up a bit. Even though I had these doubts and strange thoughts runny through my head after my daughter was born. I also had this overwhelming joy that I had my baby. That she was alive and healthy and that I was able to finally hold her. After unswaddling her and examining her little hands and tiny feet, the first thing I did was begin nursing and bonding with my baby. I don’t look at her birth as a terrible experience. I look at it as a blessing. I have a beautiful and smart little girl who rocks my world every day of my life. I’m blessed. And that’s how I felt that day and that’s how I’ve felt every day since.
The second time I watched the documentary I viewed it from the health care perspective. I looked at the birthing process as a business for doctors, hospitals, drug companies, insurance companies, etc. Wow! It’s just eye opening. All those drugs and typical hospital routines are done without hesitation. Doctors and nurses know that Americans don’t want to be uncomfortable and they know how to medicate and numb us to the point where we’re not quite human anymore. We lack actually feeling the pains of childbirth and feeling our bodies telling us what it needs us to do. And because of how our society works, doctors have the mentality that if anything goes wrong, anything, they need to perform surgery. Why? Because they’re less likely to get sued. That is their motivation and that shouldn’t be their motivation. Doing what’s best for the mother and child should be motivation enough.
It blows my mind that we have hospitals that don’t have midwifes available for patients who choose to deliver naturally in a hospital. (Now, I know some cities have this, but they are few and limited. I did not have this option where I delivered my baby. Nor did I know of or seek out any midwifes or doulas in the area.) I think we as people, not just as citizens of the United States, but as living breathing people, should do what is right, what is best for women and babies during labor. After all, we aren’t really sure what affects these medications are going to have on our kids or ourselves years down the road.
Most women giving birth, if educated and supported properly, would (IMO) be able to deliver their babies naturally or with minimal intervention. Those women need midwifes, trained and certified (licensed) people who know what they are doing to help them through this very important process. Other women need obstetricians to help them deliver their babies. Both midwives and obstetricians are needed. And I think they need to start working together instead of against one another.
It’s a great film. I have already started looking at licensed midwives in this area that could deliver our next child in our home. (I think I’ve found her. And for the record, no we haven’t started trying for the next one yet. Still trying to pay off the miscarriage bills. (Two more bills came in this past week.) Just trying to plan ahead and to be prepared this next time around.) The price difference between delivering in your home and in a hospital is amazing. Actually, it’s about a $5,000 difference. Crazy!!! (And yes, the midwife is cheaper!) And if you were wondering, some midwifes give you the same 40% off discount if paid in full by the end of the second trimester just like a lot of hospitals do. And most insurance companies allow their clients to deliver in a birth center or at home as long as the midwife delivering works for a licensed birth center.
Watch the film. I learned that we as people, needed to be better informed of what happens during hospital births and what happens during home births. We need to be better educated for ourselves and our children. Do what you want for your own birth. I’m not trying to persuade anyone in their decision. I just think that having knowledge of the birthing process in general (hospital births, birthing center births, water births and home births) is good knowledge to have.
]. I know we didn’t have sex around ovulation because Travis was sick during that time (when he got sick I figured it was probably during my most fertile days, so I looked it up, and it was, our luck!), so I wasn’t expecting to get pregnant this month. But my period was very different this month. This might be TMI for any male readers. I have very regular periods and they are very normal. So a change wasn’t what I needed especially this first time back into the swing of things. I spotted for the first time in my life. And the spotting occurred four days before I was suppose to start my period. Keep in mind I have had several periods since the miscarriage and each time all I’ve thought is “Oh, gotta get my diva cup.” But this time, the first thought in my head was “I miscarried again.” I was emotionally crazy. Right after the initial spotting I began looking online for help, for some form of an answer. Spotting was not normal for me. That’s when I discovered an early pregnancy sign called “implantation bleeding”. Apparently about 30% of women experience spotting when the fertilized egg buries itself in the uterine wall. The spotting will occur a week to three days before your period is scheduled to begin. I did not experience this with Taylor or the second pregnancy. I had never even heard of it. Yet it really sounded like a possible answer to what was happening, a frightening answer, but an answer. (Women don’t like the sight of blood during pregnancy at all.) I continued spotting for another full day before starting my period. I had just experienced your basic spotting. I’m 28 years old, so I guess it’s about time I experienced it. I just wish it had chosen to come at a different time. The timing here was chaotic to say the least. My mind was all over the radar screen. But at least I had a couple friends I could turn to during my moment of emotional confusion and being scared of another possible miscarriage. Thanks Jen and Sara, you both helped me out more than you probably realized.